• The government shitdown unfolds as we speak, and we all pray that pinky promises are legally binding.
• An Irish woman finds love in the arms of her new husband: the 300 year old ghost of a Haitian pirate. WTF News is back!
• #FakeNews NASA says our solar system contains a mysterious 9th planet… that we just haven’t found yet. In related news, science determines all reality is a sham.
• Pennsylvania’s Supreme Court made big waves when it struck down gerrymandering this week, prompting many in the Republican Party to comment, “Fuck.”
• Women descend on the nation in droves demanding crazy feminazi shit like “equal pay” and “reproductive freedom.”
• Trump assumes his final form as a Reddit comment troll.
• China’s new, freakishly efficient air purifier might be the answer to our ailing air quality. Also, trees.
• USE A PHONE.
• The Confessional pedals conspiracy theories, and Surprise, Bitch! surprises absolutely no one.

In this week’s After Dark:

• Bad neighbors. We’ve all had them, and right now, Andrew is seething over his. He shares his latest horror stories and we empathize.
• “Hi, can I show you how best to close a door?” Fuck off you lying shitburger.
• We plot revenge.

To listen to Episode #4×03, update your iTunes/RSS feed (here’s more on how to listen), directly download the file, or use this player: