Welcome to #Millennial, where the hosts are all in the midst of quarter life crises.

• In Hashing It Out: Andrew is picking up and moving across the country. Things he doesn’t have space for: standing desks and his dog.  Laura is buying a money pit. Matt is working up the gumption to move across the hall.
• Andrew’s heading to Atlanta as Laura makes a major life step. As for Matt? He just bought a Nintendo Switch.
• Jesus may have come back on Easter and all, but can’t we agree he’s just a one-trick pony at this point?
• Snapchat is doomed, but Instagram stories are here for all of Andrew’s sex taping needs!
• Infowars’ resident sociopath and MAGA baseball cap conossieur Alex Jones must admit he’s either a playing the role of a neo-Nazi or a shitty dad. (Spoiler: it’s both.)
• United airlines has decided to give peace a chance by softening their ass beating de-boarding policy to simply deny boarding to paying customers in favor of last minute crew bookings.
• Surprise Bitch leaves the hosts content now that someone finally answered – welcome to the show, Mallory! Since you picked up we won’t shit talk you.

And in this week’s edition of After Dark:

• We share our most embarrassing sex stories, from losing our virginity all the way to weird dirty talk.
• Life pro tip: anal and poop go hand in hand.
• Our listeners outdo us with their sparkly purple dildos, though.

To listen to Episode #3×14, update your iTunes/RSS feed (here’s more on how to listen), directly download the file, or use this player: