We brought you the original Jurassic Park. We crafted the first craft beer. We patented the concept of social commentary and invented the cat meme revolution. We are viral, apathetic, digital, entitled and diverse. We are the iEra of human evolution. We are #Millennial, the podcast for millennials.
And we’re here to change the world. Armed only with the ubiquitous power of USB headsets and mediocre production value, we will not rest until every inane story has been unearthed, turned to click-bait, and generated at least 300 pointless internet comments. We’re like Walter Cronkite with attitude, if Walter Cronkite had been an idiot.
Each week, a roundtable of friends discuss the latest news affecting our daily lives. But isn’t all about figuring out how to afford rent, securing our digital lives, and eating avocado toast — We also discuss butts, pesky relationships, annoying family members, and anything else that enters our medicated brains. Simply put, #Millennial is your podcast for dealing with and laughing through growing up.
#Millennial Podcast releases a new episode every week!
- Welcome back to #Millennial! it’s 4×20 maaaaaaaaaaan.
- We kick off the show with a new segment, #MilleniHelp. With almost a third of the US population not putting away enough for retirement, what are we doing to save? Patrons sound off and share some of their best savings advice.
- Here we go again: we discuss the 22nd school shooting of 2018 and no one is surprised.
- Things the GOP will ban before guns: doors, high-rise buildings, schools.
- The infamous Laurel vs Yanny debate brings science and linguistics to the show (Let’s be real though, the right answer is Laurel).
- Hidden From The Headlines: Andrew Smith, the lawyer who represented Equifax after its massive data breach last year, has been appointed to run the Federal Trade Commission. This is the office investigating — you guessed it — Equifax.
And in this week’s episode of After Dark:
- WTF News returns!
- What blows up in a 7-11 microwave before you go for a drug test? Tune in at 9 to find out!
- A creepy home invasion story has us all re-evaluating our sense of security at home.
- “I fought the dog and the dog won.” Good boy teaches owner important gun safety lesson.
- Somehow we end up reviewing the FDA handbook for legally acceptable amounts of insect parts in certain foods?
- “Happy Mother’s Day to everyone! I don’t want to see any more pictures of your mom!” – Andrew
- Please take this survey so we can help create the best Patreon possible!
- A Chicago bar stole our logo for their Millennial trivia night, so we’re giving away a free month of Patreon to Surprise Bitch! callers who prove their #lit knowledge.
- Apple hasn’t come out with a GrayKey condom to protect your phone from law enforcement (yet), but a new patch coming in iOS 11.4 will render the lightening port useable only for charging.
- The end is near(?) The US-North Korea summit will take place on June 12th in Singapore. A historic moment for sure – but will anything come of it?
- Texas is late (as always) to the gay marriage party, so a teacher has been put on administrative leave after telling students about her future wife.
- Android is adding new features aimed at decreasing time spent on mobile devices. I can haz feature to decrease student loan debt?’
And this week’s After Dark is a grab bag of topics!
- Surprise Bitch! catches up with one our our favorite nEHbors to the north.
- What tactics do we use to power through procrastination?
- What are the most embarrassing moments we’ve ever had while dating? One of these stories involves a foot getting stuck in a toilet (no, really).
- #Millennial is back for another packed episode, and Hawaii is turning into Mount Doom!
- Is Roe vs. Wade in trouble, and is the anti-choice argument really about the sanctity of life? (Spoiler: Nope.)
- Love at first poke: Facebook is trying to clean up its #fakenews image and starting its own online dating platform.
- Californians will have to make a tough choice: avocados or solar panels – can’t have both!
- Kanye is doing the lord’s work by diluting centuries of suffering into a simple “choice.”
- “I specifically ordered Persian rugs with cherub imagery. What do I have to do to get a Persian rug with cherub imagery.” Kellyanne Kanye or Trumpster Fire?
And in this week’s edition of After Dark:
- The Life and Lies of Rudy Giuliani: Giuliani joined Trump’s legal team and violated attorney-client privilege all within a 48 hour span.
- A Storm is coming: Stormy Daniels continues trolling Trump. Is she hurting her credibility?
- North and South Korea: are they or aren’t they?
- Speaking of couples who deserve each other, T-Mobile and Sprint are creating one network to rule them all (with shitty reception).
- Michelle Wolf was savage at the White House Correspondents’ dinner, and we. are. here. for. it.
- Democrats, Republicans, and the media alike were butt hurt to have the first amendment take priority over their evening of self-aggrandizing and schmoozing.
- Got an annoying friend who can’t shut up about their genealogy results? Take heart, they might be a serial killer!
- Joy Reid, the very popular and very liberal MSNBC host has come under scrutiny for homophobic blog posts from a decade ago. Does someone deserve forgiveness for a homophobic past when they can’t own up to that past in the first place?
- We wrap the show with a SPOILER RIDDEN review of Avengers: Infinity War. Turn the show off when we issue the spoiler warning unless you want the part where Tony Stark adopts Peter Parker and Rocket Raccoon ruined! (Oops!)
And on this week’s episode of After Dark (available to $2+ Patrons!):
- WTF News returns. Would you post on social media to get out of a speeding ticket? Where does New York’s poop go? Better yet, can teddy bears be seen on x-rays?
- Devil’s Advocate: Social media self-shaming to avoid traffic tickets.
- Uncle Andrew lets us peek behind the curtain of MuggleCast headquarters.
- Let’s play a LoveGame, a LoveGame: Laura battles to the death to retain her BFF status, and things get heated.
- America’s Dad is going to prison and we try to figure out what makes this case different from the many others like it.
- The first successful male genital transplant gives Andrew #hope.
- This email will self-destruct in 10 minutes.
- Surprise, bitch! welcomes our new favorite Canuk to the show, who graciously explains to us what it’s like to have a normal national leader.
And in this week’s After Dark:
- Devil’s Advocate: the genital transplant edition. A fitting first run for our new beloved co-host Pam.
- From our Feed: a listener asks for advice, and we divulge.
- Kellyanne Kanye blew up Twitter with his #MAGA nonsense. We play a game to see if we can tell the difference between his BS and Trump’s.
- Is there even a 1% chance our boyfriends think we have a pee tape? Find out live, just like we do.
- This message brought to you by grad school: fuckin everyone over, one podcast at a time.
- We dig into an explosive news week with a discussion — and a game — surrounding the latest Trump/Cohen/Stormy drama. We even stuff our mouths with marbles.
- A new device allows law enforcement to break into our phones and new credit card terms allow us to save some trees.
- A listener seeks our sage life advice.
- Time to get fit and be scared.
In this week’s After Dark:
- What parts about being an adult weren’t we prepared for?
- This gets real, fast, as we share genuine experiences and fears.
- But also, [Seinfeld voice] what’s the deal with produce?!
Laura introduces us to her slampiece and Andrew is erect.
The Number takes on a decidedly ominous tone.
Hawaii puts itself on the short list of states that allow medically assisted suicide. There are worse ways to go.
A Chicago suburb bans assault weapons and we… aren’t sure WHAT to feel.
YouTubers learn that defining “controversial” isn’t as easy as looking it up in Webster’s.
A very special edition of the Newlywed Game takes us up close and personal with Laura & Marc. 4ever.
Online communities are weird spaces. We talk about our best, and worst, experiences.
What kind of responsibility do creators have to their communities? Is there any responsibility in reverse?
- A warm welcome to Zach, who brings a touch of sincerity and thoughtfulness to the episode.
- Fuel efficiency standards are being rolled back and we fuckin rampage.
- Uber fucks up bigly as one of its self-driving cars self-drives its dumb ass into a human being. It’s tragic and telling.
- A fascinating new psychology study concludes that a person’s attractiveness determines to what extent they think of society as “fair and just.” We ugly.
- Zach is in it to win it with some much-needed insight into the debate on mental health and gun violence.
- He wants you to check out this website if you’re seeking mental help.
- Broad brushes are for bitches.
In this week’s After Dark:
- The Sinclair controversy reaches a boiling point as a poignant video goes viral. We play the clip and dig in.
- “This is dangerous to our democracy.”
- 2 Truths, 1 Lie: Fake News style.
- A Stormy’s comin, ‘Arry. And you best be ready when she does.
- The Journal of Sex Research has released a comprehensive list of reasons (and remedies) for dead bedrooms in long-term relationships. We’re fascinated.
- Cambridge Analytica: What. The fuck.
- “Surviving middle school is supposed to be metaphorical.” March For Our Lives breathes new life into the gun control debate.
- And no. Knowing CPR won’t help.
- Surprise, bitch! welcomes a fellow marcher to the show.
- Laura asks us to consider the growing phenomena of partisan disconnect, and how people are increasingly unaware of their own hypocrisies.
- Purity tests make the “perfect” the enemy of the “good.”
- Democracy is tough, dirty work. Do it anyway.
- The new intro is here! RIP Matt, you’ll live on in our earbuds.
- The Stormy Daniels saga is about to be put on steroids by a new interview.
- From bikes to trains to video games, it’s the biggest toy store to ever go out of business! Gee whiz!
- A big upset in PA has everyone cautiously optimistic.
- “SIR I THINK I LEFT MY CLAY FACE MASKS IN YOUR CAR!!!” Uber reveals the strangest items ever submitted to their Lost & Found.
- Surprise, BRANDON. You’re not the only one with connections, BRANDON.
- This week’s episode is brought to you BioClarity! Use code MIL to receive your first box for $9.95!
And in this week’s After Dark:
- China formalizes its plans for a “social credit” system, whereby citizens’ social responsibility is judged based on petty behavior like blocking crosswalks. The penalty? Immobility.
- Calling George Orwell.
- What’s the danger (and if you’re Andrew, the benefit) of a government implementing “social credit” scores?
- We pretend such a system exists here and reveal the things that would have ruined our social credit score.