• With Andrew missing in action, we decide to display some of our own #alternatefacts.
• Tourists. Good for the economy. Bad for literally everything else. 
• Listener Feedback asks for our advice on how to handle Trump-loving relatives and traveling alone. We provide zero insight. 
• News kicks off with the Women’s Marches: a movement, or just a moment? And why liberals can sometimes be their own worst enemy.
• President Insecurity is determined to make Americans believe he won the popular vote… by upending confidence in our democratic system! Why not! #FuckIt
• SnapChat is let off the hook after one of its stupid features inspires a stupid woman to drive 100 MPH and cause a major stupid traffic accident. 
• Devil’s Advocate asks us to argue in favor of some of Trump’s first Executive Orders. Our souls wither. 

And in After Dark:

• A quick look at how the cabinet is shaping up, but really, not really. This gets weird fast as we decide to take a break from serious news and just shoot the shit.
• We accept Andrew’s firing of us all.
• The perfect penis? Pre-sex hygiene habits? Pegging? This After Dark has it all.
• Except class.